Maybe the kid isn't the problem

"It is not very productive to drive a child to anger or depression, and then blame him for being angry or depressed. But that is what schools do. Bad teachers do this, and then principals back them up." -- Guy Strickland, Bad Teachers

Suppose you have a 1st-grade child who has trouble sitting still, being quiet, and doing what she's told. Does the child have a problem which needs to be treated with drugs or behavior management? Or does the school have unreasonable expectations of very young children?

Suppose you have a 7th-grade child who doesn't always turn in his homework consistently or on time. Does the child have a problem which needs to be treated with drugs or behavior management? Or does the school have unreasonable expectations of young adolescents?

"Shifting the blame onto a child's shoulders is the work of a bully. It is, perhaps consequently, a technique more commonly used than parents may think." -- Guy Strickland, op. cit.

It is distressing to me to see how often parents just accept whatever the school demands. Schools are not infallible, and they are not beyond question. They are social constructs that change with the times. We all know that schools are different (in my opinion, even worse) than they were in our own childhoods. The curriculum has been pushed younger and younger (kindergarten is the new first grade) and the pressure to perform has been increased.

Parents, please, before you accept that your child has the diagnosis du jour (attention deficit disorder, executive function deficit) question the school. Does the school have reasonable expectations of children at their various ages and stages? Is the work the school assigns useful for your child? Are the rules and regulations actually necessary, or are they the product of control freaks and petty tyrants?

Teachers and administrators want to live in a world where the school does what it does, and it's up to kids (and their mothers) to fall into line. But there's no reason we have to accept that. Maybe your kid has a problem, and maybe the problem is a bad school.