Recent e-mail from Sainted Husband and my Fed-up self to Friends Omphalos:
Dear Teachers--
We're writing because we're concerned about our daughter OD, who is in the 9th grade at Friends Omphalos. OD is burnt out. She is very unhappy about school; she feels it's a treadmill she can't get off. She worries about homework all the time. Her sleep schedule is a wreck; she gets almost no sleep during the week and then has marathon sleeping sessions over the weekend. Sometimes OD feels she doesn't understand what the teachers want, which makes her anxious and causes her to procrastinate. Then she gets into a loop where she isn't getting the work done, but she can't relax either.
If she could at least have weekends and vacations free of homework, she might have a chance to unwind. This weekend, for instance, she had two hours worth of math homework alone. There was homework for other classes as well, but she didn't get to it, partly because we were busy and didn't have a chance to walk her through it.
Frankly, we're considering homeschooling. If we can't find a way for OD to be happy while attending Friends Omphalos, it makes no sense to keep her there. We need to find a way--soon--for OD to be happy and learning productively at Friends Omphalos, at least for the rest of this year.
Please get back to us about this as soon as you can. Thanks very much.
and one teacher's reply:
Thank you for your email and for the information about how OD is feeling. I think she's having the experience that many of our 9th graders have in trying to adjust to the differences between middle school and upper school. The workload is heavier and learning how to manage it takes time.
The best thing for OD to do if she is feeling overwhelmed is to make appointment with her teachers to talk about things and get some guidance from them. Sometimes students need help in learning how to approach homework or how to study for a particular subject. I'm always happy to speak with OD about any questions or concerns she has.
I certainly will not be assigning any homework over winter break. I'm a firm believer that break is for break. I can't say the same is true for weekends, although our policy is that students should not have more than 40 minutes of homework per subject each night the class meets (all classes have one skip day in our schedule where no homework in that subject should be assigned).
I enjoy having OD in class and certainly want her to have a positive experience here. I'm happy to do what I can to help that happen.
As a homeschool mom who reads your blog, I am de-lurking to encourage you to continue to explore the idea of homeschooling. But, like, in the least bossy, least offensive way. Obv.
ReplyDeleteAnd is 40 minutes per day per class REALLY the teacher's idea of "settle down, it's not that much"? Because if your child attends 5 classes a day, that is over THREE HOURS of homework a night! Three hours! That is insane! I submit that a working adult would feel mutinous if they had to bring 3 hours of work home with them every night.
Anyway. If you need any book recommendations or homeschool propaganda, I mean, encouragement, let me know.
Deb, thank you! Homeschooling is looking better all the time. I may well have questions for you.
ReplyDeleteI really question why school is the way it is...
ReplyDeleteWould we, (as adults) sign onto a job or a career, or an evening course, or buy a house, or car ...that promised us unending misery? The salesman says: "Oh, you will need to do a paint touchup every 6 months on this car...that's just the way it is"
The HR department says as you sign on, "We expect that you will read a book a month that is work related"
Or the person who is offering you a yoga class asks you if you are prepared to write a 5 page essay about what you've learned about yoga after her class is over.
Outside of school, I doubt most of us would allow anyone to dictate to our children what they should be doing in their free time. So why is school allowed to?
PsychMom, absolutely right. Here's my question: shouldn't a bright, hard-working, well-intentioned kid be able to enjoy school?
ReplyDeleteOf course a bright, hard-working well intentioned kid should be able to enjoy everything, by her very nature. The hard work should be applied to tasks that thrill her because she will learn loads from them and make a contribution to life. Learning how to do things for the soul purpose of getting grades is pointless.
ReplyDeleteWhat will you do when your children are in college? How do you think a college professor would respond to such an email?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I ran your comment past my husband, who actually is a college professor, and he remarked that he's dealt with many students, both undergraduate and graduate, with major depression. It's not a pretty picture.
DeleteTry asking any college professor whether our current crop of stressed, burnt-out high school seniors is actually well prepared for college. Go ahead; I dare you.
I think one major problem with education today is that it frequently falls back on the "next step" reasoning: "This is how it's going to be when they're in grade X/middle school/high school/college so we'd better get them used to it now." Kids are expected to do work or behave at a level that may be beyond their abilities and then punished when they can't. FedUpMom's kid is four years away from college. Emailing the teachers on behalf of a ninth grader isn't the same thing as a parent emailing college professors on behalf of a student.
DeleteFedUpMom, my mom is also a college professor and would agree with your husband. Her students are baffled at the notion that writing a longer paper doesn't guarantee them an A, and they hate that she's so picky about silly little things like plagiarizing or knowing the difference between "you're" and "your."
Megan, thanks. You said what I couldn't find the energy to say.
DeleteI am sick and tired of always being confronted with the next year, the next school, the next step. Let's make this year a valuable experience in and of itself, and worry about next year when it comes.
So would your husband / mom / college professors of the world suggest homeschooling during college too?
ReplyDeleteIt's called tough love. Parents need to stop holding hands. Teach your children to speak up for themselves when they need help. I don't think it is too much for ninth grade students to speak to a teacher or a counselor themselves.
I would guess that those college students, the ones that argue with their professors about silly things like grammar or plagiarizing, were never challenged and perhaps their hands were held throughout high school by their parents and teachers alike n
You do understand, don't you, that schools ignore students that come to them asking for help, changes, etc.?
DeleteWhen I was in high school, sophomore year, I was very overwhelmed with my honors courses, not fitting in, and some family issues. I went to my guidance counselor for help. As the year went on, my anxiety, panic attacks, and depression worsened, but she was there for me and let me skip 1 class a week to see her.
DeleteSo no, I don't think that schools ignore students. At least not all schools. And for what it's worth, I went to a public high school with close to 3000 students. I'd imagine a small school has teachers and counselors there to help students. They didn't ALL become teachers and counselors to *torture* students.
I think that helping your daughter deal with her anxiety and procrastination tendencies NOW will help her in the long run. And teaching her how to ask for help and encouraging her to ask for help herself is an important life lesson.
For me, I dropped out of my honors classes and went to the regular ones. At the time, it was the best option for me. The workload was too much. I wasn't motivated. I still graduated high school. I still graduated college.
I saw other kids in college struggle with the workload. I saw kids deal with depression. I agree that it is a real thing, but I don't think that teachers can just not assign work. Sometimes we just have to take a step back and focus on what is important to us at that time in our life.
Anonymous, it's good to hear your personal experience. But just because something worked (sort of) for you doesn't mean it would work for another family whom you don't even know.
DeleteFor one thing, our daughter isn't taking honors classes: she's taking the basic set-up that's required for everyone. There's no room for her to scale back.
You say:
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I don't think that teachers can just not assign work.
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Why not? The work teachers assign wasn't handed down from Mount Sinai. It's the product of a fallible system and it can change. In fact, it has changed. In high-tax-bracket east-coast districts like mine, the workload has skyrocketed. It's gotten way out of control, and it needs to be reformed.
Anonymous: Why not just slap them around a little yourself? Think of how it would build character!
ReplyDeleteAnd now I'm curious about all the Anonymous deletions. What did she/he say?
ReplyDeleteHWB, I'm afflicted with spam. It always takes the form of a completely generic compliment ("what an interesting blog!") coupled with a link. The goal must be to increase apparent web linkage to the spammer's site.
ReplyDeleteLord ! Here I thought someone was being abusive and then learn it's spam! lol
DeleteI hear you. What a drag.
ReplyDelete