Today I had a little conference at Friends Omphalos with the Co-Head of the Upper School and the Dean of Students. Let's call them Ms. Co-Head and Mr. Dean.
The take-away message is that they would like Older Daughter to be happy, but they're not willing to actually change anything. They can't even imagine what might be changed or how anyone could go about changing it.
I kept coming back to what I feel is the central problem, even more basic than the homework load: OD isn't engaged in the classes she's taking. This problem is especially acute in English and History, which ought to be interesting for a bright, verbal kid. Not to put words in their mouths, but the look on Ms. Co-Head and Mr. Dean's faces seemed to say: "You mean somebody might be interested in English or History?"
One very revealing moment was when Ms. Co-Head remarked that her own daughter attends Friends Omphalos and likes it, but "it's not about the classes for her." So, the kid who does well is the one who enjoys the social scene and maybe some of the extras like sports or orchestra, and is willing to do what's necessary to get through the classes. You call this education?
Sigh. One step closer to home-schooling, I'd say.
I am sorry you are struggling with school. That must be very discouraging. I have my homeschool propaganda at the ready, just say the word!
ReplyDeleteActually, let me recommend one book I always suggest for people considering HSing - The First Year Homeschooling Your Child, by Linda Dobson.
ReplyDeleteAlso, The Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn is quite popular.
ReplyDeleteAnd one of my Twitter pals, who homeschools 2 teenagers recommends The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling Teens by Debra Bell. Some of these may have a strong Christian worldview, just FYI.
ReplyDeleteAll right. I'm done. LOL.
You always know you're in trouble when the educators can't even fake it any more. I wrote you a long response last time but I hit a button accidentally and the comment vanished :(. I'll cut to the chase.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to encourage you to homeschool. Because you'll have meeting after meeting and nothing will change. At best, they'll tell you they like your kid and yea, they wouldn't mind if she was happier. Except she can't be happier becuse the school is causing her misery and their unwillingness to face up to the problem means they are more concerned with image and college acceptances.
While my daughter was slogging through high school, a private school friend lamented to me about the homework overload torture and pressure. I laughed. Gee, I can get that for free! If your daughter is overloaded and stressed out, you may as well send her to public school. At least your wallet will be happy.
Deb, thanks for the recommendations! I'm definitely going to check out the Teenage Liberation Handbook.
ReplyDeleteHWB, absolutely right. The only options we're seriously considering for next year are homeschooling or the public school.
Did you see that Gallup report about student engagement?
ReplyDeleteHighest in elementary and a 45 degree sloped line downward through Middle School and down on into High School.
I don't think it's different for private schools where college entry is the purpose or goal. It's the wrong goal.
I don't know what the answer is...but I know that your post will be my story in one year.
Hi, I tried to write you a post about this a little while back. I just started home schooling my son because he was having a lot of trouble with school. He had a lot of confidence issues and with so much being crammed down to the younger grades than before, it was just too much for him.
ReplyDeleteI felt that if we left him in school that things were just going to get worse for him. It is a fair amount of work to home school but our family is a lot less stressed out these days and my son is much, much happier. One of the great things about home schooling (that I'm finding) is the freedom to have your child explore some of his or her own interests.
I don't know what the right answer for you is, but I would say trust your mother's instincts and you'll know what to do.
If you are thinking about home schooling, you might want to check now to see what your state's requirements are. Some states will let you sign your kids up for an online elementary, middle or high school and I do know a mom who has done that for her daughter and seems to be quite happy with it.
We are contemplating having our son go back to public school next fall. We're hoping that he just needed a little extra time and some more one on one instruction to be ready for the classroom. But I'm not a 100% sure what we'll do next fall or what will work.
ReplyDeleteConcerned Parent, I'll provide a link to your post:
ReplyDeleteNew Development — Home Schooling
I sense a trend here ...
We are starting the research now to find out the requirements. It's got to be doable.
I actually have a whole blog post scheduled for tomorrow, titled "So You're Thinking About Homeschooling." Feel free too chime in with thoughts or concerns. If I can't answer your questions, my readers (many of whom are homeschooling high school) can.
ReplyDeleteFedUp, the reason I am so brashly encouraging you to cut to the chase and homeschool is that you may inevitably wind up there. Of all the people I know who chose this path, none regretted it. But they had one huge regret. That they didn't do it sooner. If you wait and wait, you will very likely regret it. And you can't get the time back. If it doesn't work, or you change your mind later, you can always put her back in school. If not this one, another one. But if you don't at least try, you will always wonder how it could have been.
ReplyDeleteI homeschooled for one year, a sabbatical just before high school. I would give anything to get those childhood years back. When I look back and ponder what I should have done, it isn't about the better email or more frequent meetings or the guts to put my foot down more. It is always, why didn't I just say sayonara? I had a child who loved to learn and was so motivated and eager. What a great prescription for learning and discovery! Why quash that? Why kill the enthusiasm? For what? The first thing you ask yourself is, can I do worse? If you can't, there's no reason not to at least try it.
Here's a little secret. High school is actually easier to homeschol than elementary or middle. Because there are so many educational options at your disposal.Had we homeschooled high school, here's the combination I would have chosen: 1. Community college in lieu of high school 2. One class at the local 4-year college 3. On line courses 4. Continue the summer residential academic programs my daughter was already attending.
There are so many possibilities, it's so exciting to be in charge! You don't have to go crazy. Cobble together a mix of all these and you've got yourself a viable plan. My daughter is very much a STEM kid and some jurisdictions will allow a student to do part time at a magnet. Wondering if that option exists for humanities.
One more choice although less favored by me. It's a well kept secret but in fact, my county allows homeschoolers to take up to but no more than two classes. Maybe do that. If so, pick science so you get a lab. And by all means, pick a later course in the schedule. Just know that while your own child will be rested and relaxed, the other students are still very sleep deprived and stressed. Lastly, some locales allow homeschoolers to participate in extra curriculars but not many. There is very deep opposition to this by schools and they try to block it on the state and local level.
Good luck. Go for it! You can do it. You are so much smarter and competent than the folks you're wrangling with over there.
One further piece of advice. When I was contemplating homeschooling, I decided not to discuss this with my friends because I didn't want too many divergent opinions. You have it so much easier than me. Homeschooling has come a long way and the resources out there are just multiplying exponentially.
ReplyDeleteYou'll get the proverbial questions about socialization. You live in a major market, as we say in radio. I'm certain there are so many groups and trips and park days, my friends laugh at the word homeschooling. You'll find there's so much to do and see and explore, you'll hardly be home!
It's a big commitment of time. Not just the time teaching, but the structuring of the teaching and testing etc. Who would be the teacher? Would the load be shared between yourself and sainted husband? These are considerations. You might look at online schools to help you out
ReplyDeleteAnne, there is school at home where you bring the classroom into your home and try to replicate school. And then there is homeschooling. Where the world is your classroom. Where you take everything the community has to offer to provide a rich challenging exciting way of learning.
ReplyDeleteOf course, high school requires more structure, less of unschooling but you can still fit in a fair amount of relaxed schooling. As I've noted, there are so many options for classes: community college, local 4-year college for some courses, on line, yourselves, part time public high school.
You'll eventually realize it is easier to homeschool than work with the school. In the end, homeschooling is harder and easier. It is easier for our family to have control. Homeschooling works with the child, not the other way around. You construct a lifestyle (because it's not just school, it's a lifestyle) that works for you and your family. You don't have to twist yourself into a pretzel trying to make something work and the time and energy you put into emailing school, negotiating, talking, you could be teaching or supervising the lesson yourself.
First and foremost, you address the twin evils of chronic unrelenting sleep deprivation and homework overload. It was such a relief for us to at least take care of those two major headaches. You'd be amazed at what you can do when your child begins the day rested, fed well, and calm.
Where the world is your classroom. Where you take everything the community has to offer to provide a rich challenging exciting way of learning.
DeleteI'm tired already
It's a huge commitment. How will the load be divided, or will it. That's my question. I have known burnt out homeschooling Moms,who ran back to a school the next year.
It's a good alternative to a bad school...But I believe a child needs some contact from outside.
A class or two from else where would be a help to the child and the parent with the job imo
full disclosure..I have no children...but I have an opinon and friends who have HS'ed
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteomg! Here's one of those spam creatures now!
DeleteThis website is something that is required on the internet, someone with a bit of originality
DeleteAmazing how it's spam, yet it goes on about one's originality!
I'm curious if anyone's successfully homeschooled their kid or kids while both parents held down a full-time job.
ReplyDeleteAnne, reading your comments, it doesn't sound like you homeschool. Wait. Just read your entire comment. Yep. With all due respect, you don't have personal experience. Dare I say you don't know what you're talking about?
ReplyDeleteI heard that warning too. You'll be running back to school the next year! Which we in fact did. But NOT because it wasn't working. My husband didn't want to homeschool high school so we grabbed that one last year before 9th grade. My daughter got into a STEM magnet. Better in many ways, worse because of the crushing homework load and incessant exams. Believe me, many times during those four years I revisited the homeschool question. Had she not been accepted into this magnet, you can bet your booties we would have been back in the homeschool world faster than you can say the word.
For some reason, it would not accept the entire response. So I'm breaking it up. Part II below:
Now let's address your other concerns, Anne:
ReplyDeleteWhere the world is your classroom. Where you take everything the community has to offer to provide a rich challenging exciting way of learning.
I'm tired already
*** But that's the point! I WANTED to do stuff with my child. The reason homework overload made me so sad, upset and infuriated is that it gobbled up just about all our family time. I don't want to be an unpaid involuntary teacher's aide. I want control of our home life. To do what we want. And what we wanted is to use the world as our classroom. We already were Homeschooling on the Side. Why not make it official? *****
It's a huge commitment. How will the load be divided, or will it. That's my question. I have known burnt out homeschooling Moms,who ran back to a school the next year.
**** It's actually not as hard as you think. I heard that too. The eye roll, it's like climbing Mount Everest. And the admonishments scared me off. I'm kicking myself I doubted myself. I should have plunged in YEARS sooner. I could have salvaged my daughter's childhood. School choices were either the GT Center with all its pressure and crushing homework load or general education which was not a good fit at all. Private school was either inconvenient or not enough of a good match to warrant the price tag. Homeschooling allowed me the opportunity to address my child's giftedness, while recognizing she is still a child.
And that goes for high school too. High school does not signal an end to museums, free cultural events, hikes, discussions, lectures, reading for pleasure. Heck, my daughter's 20 now and we still do those things! ******
It's a good alternative to a bad school...But I believe a child needs some contact from outside.
***** It's better than a good alternative to a bad school. Because when I plucked mine out, she was in what's known in my parts as the best middle school. I would tell people, at best her school was good (on a good day), while homeschooling was heaven. There's a huge difference. Homeschooling isn't just a little bit better. It's completely different!
Do you really think homeschooled kids have no contact with the outside? We had to pare down the homeschool trips, clubs, activities, classes and extra curriculars because we couldn't do them all. Newsflash. Lots of kids homeschool! Start with weekly Park Day.
Part III below:
full disclosure..I have no children...but I have an opinon and friends who have HS'ed
ReplyDelete**** To repeat, most don't run back to school within a year. I live in a major metropolitan area and I also wrote articles so I met a lot of people and read a lot. Many stick with it. That's the impressive part. There are just so many success stories to rely on.
It's hard making the initial decision. But in the end, it's your child's life. How much is that worth?
I found the admin's comments about her daughter very interesting. The fact is, if socialization is more important than education, it could be done much more easily, cheaply, and humanely by getting rid of school altogether and allowing kids to interact with the adult world and take their place in it naturally; like they did for millenia before formal schooling. Leads one to think the issue is more about control than anything else. It astounds me how many people don't seem to care what their kids actually learn from school, as long as they go through the motions and get into a good college.
ReplyDelete...despite the fact that the
ReplyDeleteopportunity cost is their entire childhood.
Cynthia, control, compliance, going through the motions, getting into a good college. You're spot on.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't matter what kind of child we raise. As long as produce an automaton.
Correction: as long as we produce an automaton.
ReplyDeleteCynthia, it's a source of constant amazement how very low on the list actual learning has sunk. Everything else takes precedence: "socialization", test scores, college applications.
ReplyDeleteFriends Omphalos, as a Quaker school, puts a high priority on a nurturing community, and they're pretty successful at that. But the question of what kids actually learn in their classes doesn't seem to get asked.
Cynthia encapsulated it very nicely. As we sometimes say, who let the smart person in?
ReplyDeleteAt this point I'd be happy if schools acknowledged the socialization aspects as paramount and worked to do that really well. If my kid came out after 12 years as an effective public speaker, a friendly, well connected live wire who was ready to take on the world along with her friends, I'd be thrilled. I wouldn't care if she never read one of Willy Shakespeare's plays, nor could do calculus. She could pick those things up if they were at all useful to her. But if she could write up a grant proposal, learned how to fundraise, and pull off a meet and greet successfully for 50 people, or even put on a Shakespearean play....now those are skills.
PsychMom, my biggest caveat there would be to make it non-compulsory. Or at the very least, half as long, both in terms of hours a day and years.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree..wholeheartedly.
ReplyDeleteThe compulsory nature of it is so suspect when we see so many kids drop out, or just have such bad experiences. It becomes incarceration under those circumstances.