I derive some comfort from reading stories of families who have been through similar problems. Here's a comment from a thread at dcurbanmomsforum called "Counseling Out" (edited slightly for readability):
I think the percentage of parents who are completely dismissive about their child's issues, perceived or not, when the consequence could result in being counseled out...is VERY SMALL. Most parents would never want to place themselves in a situation where their child is sure to be counseled out and will [do] whatever it takes to keep him in school.
Saying 'thats just how my child is' or 'he'll grow out of it' are not dismissive comments. Oftentimes comments like this are used to explain a child's behavior when a parent just does not know what else to say or do. And it may not be a lie either.
I think I represent the typical parent whose kindergartener is being counseled out and I have hardly been dismissive. In fact, we were told by their incompetent school psychologist that our child is developmentally delayed by a couple of years and that he has significant issues. Well, not according to the psychiatrist we saw and not according to a developmental pediatrician we saw.
The school and particularly the teacher stressed him out so much he was at his worst. And it is strange that schools are more apt to work with learning issues but not beh issues as most learning issues are neurological based and harder to 'fix' or work with and require much more ongoing oversight whereas beh issues require coaching and beh therapy and are generally easier to fix.
Speaking of incompetent school psychologists -- the psychologist at Natural Friends is a piece of work. She spent a lot of time during Older Daughter's first year there trying to blame me as a hysterical mom. I have never heard any parent say a good word about her.
I hope the commenter is correct that behavior problems are actually easier to fix than learning issues.