Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Freedom to Quit

From Peter Gray, The Most Basic Freedom is Freedom to Quit:
Children love to learn, but, like all of us, they hate to be coerced, micromanaged, and continuously judged.  They love to learn in their own ways, not in ways that others force on them.
Well, yes. 

At this point, we're just trying to get Older Daughter through the end of the year at Friends Omphalos with passing grades, so there's no chance she'd have to repeat.  Next year, we'll give homeschooling a shot.  As many people have pointed out to me, we couldn't do any worse than the schools have done.

14 comments:

  1. You go! See where perpetual FedUpness takes you? To a much better place! I know I am one of the chorus who spouts that line. As you know, I homeschooled my daughter for 8th. My biggest regret in life is not that I pulled her out of school but that I didn't do it sooner, much sooner.

    Someone gave me that line. Sit down. Think hard. Can you do worse? If the answer is no, then there's no reason left not to take the plunge. Money? Much cheaper than private school. If it doesn't work, you can always go back. But it WILL work. Give it time. Don't expect everything to click on day one.

    I did not homeschool high school. My daughter was accepted into a selective magnet. It was the best of times, the worst of times. It was a good fit socially and intellectually but the work load was crushing.

    I personally think high school is the easiest to homeschool because you have more options. I'd recommend one or two community college classes, an on line class. That's IT for structured classes. The rest you can do yourself.

    Good luck! Go for it. Just think. You wave that magic wand and in one brandish, you have eliminated the two most vexing and throbbing headaches. Sleep deprivation and homework overload. My further advice? Banish the word HOMEWORK. It is amazing what your child can do if she wakes when she's rested, eats when she's hungry, and uses her best hours for study.

    Because the way high school is structured now, indeed all of grade school, our children come home to a second shift. No adult I know would want to put in a long day, with an exhausting commute, and then come home to a briefcase stuffed with more work that will carry them well past midnight.

    Okay, maybe Jamie Dimon. Fine. So pay us his salary and lavish perks and I'll shut up.

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  2. I've been reading Peter Gray for a while now, and just bought his book. This article especially makes me question our understanding of children and childhood. And his arguement about quitting being a key tool for adults is right to the point.

    As we embark on Middle School next year, I will be carefully weighing the effects on our homelife and considering what options work and which ones don't. Congratulations FedUpMom for taking this step ...your children are lucky. You're paying attention.

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  3. Yes! I am so glad for you!

    For one, to have decided must be a relief, albeit a temporary one, because now the weight of deciding curriculum falls on you. Please, please, please let me know if I can in any way point you to resources, or fellow high-school-homeschoolers, or just talk you off the ledge. (I would caution you against those online all-in-one school at home programs, for they are more of the same and everyone I know who has tried it, hated it. They don't seem to provide a true measure of what homeschooling is.)

    Good for you, to choose something better for your child. I look forward to reading about your journey!

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  4. "But if you're trapped inside a school that doesn't engage you and you're willing to make a change, then I have good news for you: You can leave school tomorrow and never look back.

    All you have to do is become a homeschooler."

    That's right. Read on...

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/blake-boles/five-reasons-to-quit-scho_b_3267545.html

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  5. Not sure why the link didn't highlight for instant clicking. Mommy (aka FedUpMom :) ), can you fix?

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  6. Okay, HWB, here's a true link:

    Five Reasons to Quit School

    Everyone, thanks for the support!

    Deb, I've gotten a jump start on worrying about curriculum. Actually, I don't think it's a huge big deal. I'm more concerned about making sure Older Daughter has social outlets, fun, and exercise, but I think we can put it all together.

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  7. FedUp, I don't know your area but it can't be all that different than mine. There is just SO much out there. You'll find there's so much to do, so many opportunities to find other homeschooled teens, you'll begin to joke, why do we call it homeschooling? We are never home!

    Go have some fun with learning. Goodness knows, you both could use it.If I had it to do all over again, I would have homeschooled K-7. In my fevered mind, I go back and forth between doing 8 or not. 8 was a big NCLB year which is why we ditched it. That was our sabbatical.

    In my imagined world, I imagine my daughter would have had an easier time in high school, had she been homeschooled leading up to it. Doesn't that turn conventional wisdom on its head? That we need to pressure the heck out of kids to prepare them for the pressure of high school. I submit to you it is quite the reverse.

    Having not pulled her out in K, to my regret, having waited till 8th to homeschool, my alternate universe would have kept us going. It's not too late for you guys, FedUp. Go for it! You'll enjoy it as much as she will. Remember, worrying about school, advocating in school, is a full time plus job. Free up that brainpower and mental energy for more useful pursuits. What I especially love about homeschool is that you get out what you put in. With school, you could expend countless hours on emails and visits and there's no guarantee you'll get any results. With homeschooling, you are the driver. What power! At last. You'd be amazed how well children learn in freedom.

    Best of luck!

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    Replies
    1. Where I live, a few years ago, the boy who got the top marks at the end of Year 12 had been homeschooled from years 1-10.

      More evidence that school isn't the best/only way to learn.

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  8. Thanks, HWB! I agree that preparing kids for future stress by stressing them out now is not working. As for the pressure of high school, we're hoping to skip it altogether.

    Absolutely right that worrying about school is a full-time job. It's amazing how much energy it saps from the whole family.

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  9. I would say each parent has to ask themselves : How well does summer vacation go? How do they feel during and after it. Also how well does the child follow one's requests now? I believe reflection upon these questions can yield an idea how homeschooling might go .

    If parents home school I believe there should be other aspects covered by a class or two else where for the child . 24/7 isn't so great for either kids or parents imo

    Public schools are now inhumane on purpose . They being purposely destroyed so a for profit system can take their place. Nothing will change that. The public school system is in the display case next to the stuffed dodo bird . So parents do indeed to figure something out

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  10. Anne, good points on the state of public school today. But I'll pick a bone on the suggestion that you gauge summer as a yardstick to determine how well homeschooling will go. Or the assertion that if you spend a lot of time with your kids, and you occasionally get sick of them, that's a red flag homeschooling can't work. How sick do we get when your kids are in school all day and then come home with a mountain of work? Or when you go to wake them and instead of jumping out of bed with glee, they look exhausted and depressed. When you can't go anywhere on the weekends because your child is stuck in the house doing homework.

    Oh, we still went places. But the work just followed us. Yesterday my daughter accompanied us to an outdoor arts festival. And I had to chuckle wryly. She's a college student now who chose to add Summer School and there she was, books stuffed under her arm. That's the enduring image. But she's out of K-12 so the landscape is different. With a reminder, though, that the stress that just builds and builds in grade school impacts their college experience. You don't escape it without some collateral damage.

    To anyone who issues that cautionary tale, be careful about homeschooling and all the dire warningsa bout all that can possibly go wrong, I say it's worth trading it all in because something IS going wrong RIGHT NOW.

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  11. Resubmitting with typo correction.

    ----------------------------------------------
    Anne, good points on the state of public school today. But I'll pick a bone on the suggestion that you gauge summer as a yardstick to determine how well homeschooling will go. Or the assertion that if you spend a lot of time with your kids, and you occasionally get sick of them, that's a red flag homeschooling can't work.

    How sick do you get when your kids are in school all day and then come home only to face a mountain of work? Or when you go to wake them in the morning and instead of jumping out of bed with glee, they look exhausted and depressed. When you can't go anywhere on the weekends because your child is stuck in the house doing homework.

    Oh, we still went places. But the work just followed us. Yesterday my daughter accompanied us to an outdoor arts festival. And I had to chuckle wryly. She's a college student now who chose to add Summer School and there she was, books stuffed under her arm. That's the enduring image. But she's out of K-12 so the landscape is different. With a reminder, though, that the stress that just builds and builds in grade school impacts their college experience. You don't escape it without some collateral damage.

    To anyone who issues that cautionary tale, be careful about homeschooling and all the dire warnings about all that can possibly go wrong, I say it's worth trading it all in because something IS going very wrong RIGHT NOW.

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  12. FedUp, when my daughter entered high school and I still harbored notions of pulling her out again, I stayed in touch with Homeschool2College for a while. It's a yahoogroup. I know a lot has moved to Facebook but yahoogroups was invaluable to me the year I homeschooled. I got so much out of those forums, all for free! Check it out. I just logged on to it and yep, it's still there!

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  13. HWB, thanks for the tip. I'll check it out!

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